Hello everyone. This is going to be a little different than my normal fashion centered post. Backseatchic was intended on being all things fashion related and nothing else. I have always been an extremely private and introverted person and never liked or felt comfortable showing my vulnerable side to pretty much anybody. So I kept this blog strictly fashion, the only side I have felt comfortable sharing with all of you until now. I really don’t know why I am like that or what made me like that but I think the main reason was so I would never get hurt. I mean, if you never show emotions how can someone ever hurt you? And… that worked for a very long time but as I’ve gotten older and I matured I’ve realized that isn’t a healthy way to live your life.
Life gets hard. Life is brutal. Life knocks you down from time to time to the point you start questioning, what is the point of all of this? And years ago I used to surround my thoughts with that mindset. I was consumed with sadness to the point it became my comfort zone. Whenever I felt an ounce of happiness I felt uncomfortable and crawled back into my bubble of darkness because that is what I was used to. Sadness can be extremely addicting. It becomes the only constant thing in your life and when everything gets too hard you start relying on it.
I think part of the problem is, now in our world we kind of Romanize sadness. Being depressed has become a personality trait and relatable instead of a mental illness. And it shouldn’t be like that, especially for those who actually suffer from depression but aren’t taken seriously. Sadness is not beautiful…. It’s just sad and ugly. There is nothing romantic about wishing this would all end.
But you know what is beautiful? Happiness. Complete and utter happiness. The kind where you start looking forward to the next day instead of dreading it because you realize every single feeling you are feeling at this exact moment, is just temporary. Happiness is not a destination, it is a feeling. Just like hunger or tiredness. Sometimes happiness might fade away and sadness might return but it is all temporary. I think if everyone had that mindset we would all be a lot better off.
As I am writing this, I am feeling extremely sad. Probably the saddest I have been in years but that is okay. That means I am alive and normal. Right now, I want to punch, scream and hide away from the world because life is knocking me to the ground. My motivation is completely shot at the moment and I just want to lie in bed all day and watch Netflix until I stop feeling like this. And years ago, I would have saw no hope right now. I would have thought, this is it. I am just always going to feel like this, what is the point?
But, everything is temporary. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week, but eventually I will look back at this post and smile because I will know I got through this rough patch. We need to feel sadness to appreciate our happiness.
Well, I have let you all into another little piece of my brain and although that terrifies me…. I know although I feel hopeless at the moment, at least I was able to push myself to write this all out and press “Publish.”
- Lauren xx